At Last, a Mad Men Viewing Guide You Can Truly Use

I decided to re-watch Mad Men before the new season comes out and I decided to do it right. I researched extensively (i.e., I did a brief Google search) for a "Mad Men study guide", some sort of written guide for viewers who know the characters and the themes, and want to make new connections while they re-watch, and didn't find exactly what I was looking for. THUS, I present you with just that: a viewing guide for the Mad Men lover.

If you:

1. Have already seen all the released seasons of Mad Men (1-6)
2. Have a good understanding/memory of what's gone down in Mad Men
3. Have a great love for Mad Men

Please, read on!

If you:

1. Have only watched parts of Mad Men and hate spoilers
2. Can't keep track of Roger's marriages or get Paul Kinsey confused with Harry Crane
3. Really just have no taste for the show

....you are dead to me.

So what exactly will be contained in this "viewing guide"?

I'll start with a Notes section, detailing the historical and Mad Men context for each episode. You know, those things you wished you knew before you watched Mad Men the first (or fifth) time around. 

Following Notes will be a Guiding Question section, filled with queries designed to make your wheels turn! These can be filled out during or after you re-watch the episode, and should absolutely be used as fodder in internet arguments with other Mad Men lovers.

To follow up your re-watch, I'll have a section specifically covering repeating motifs, foreshadowing for future seasons, and parallel story elements, called Did You Catch That?. 

But of course, I'm not the be-all-end-all of Mad Men experts, just one of the more fanatical fans. My hope is that Mad Men lovers spanning the internet will jump at the chance to tell me they disagree with my guide or that I left out something crucial...I do so love conflict! I mean. Collaboration.

So stay tuned, kittens. The very first Mad Men Viewing Guide by yours truly will be out next week!

Don Draper's Future

Today, I read an article a friend posted on Facebook titled, "Where Don Draper Ends, D.B. Cooper Begins". The author postulates that Don Draper may be a model, or indeed the figure, behind famed airplane hijacker Dan Cooper, whose 1971 case is still unsolved.

Not sure if I buy into this completely, but in broad strokes, it speaks volumes. It tackles the question every die hard and casual Mad Men fan has been asking increasingly with each step closer to the end of the series: what will happen to Don Draper? I'm not saying this article has all the answers (although she does make some really compelling points, especially about the prevalence of airplanes throughout the series), but it has set my wheels to turning.

I think the key is when the author asks, "What makes someone do something like that?"

I think we all want to examine Don's past to find out where he ends up. The thing is that taking evidence from the past and looking forward creates a fantasy future, even though we have the capability to create more grounded reality as people who actually live in that future. Lately I've been more interested in thinking about people I know who lived through this era and where they've ended up. With this perspective, it isn't hard to imagine Don as a washed up, alcoholic old man living in some hideous wood paneled ranch house in Florida, lucky if he gets a phone call from his kids on Christmas.

I think we've all known people like this, probably as an acquaintance or awkward, out of touch family member. For me, at 21 years old, this is the most relevant way to think about Mad Men-- do I know these people? Is my grandmother Betty Draper? Did my mom date Bobby Draper? Is Megan my hippy lesbian neighbor?

I think this one of the most compelling things about the show. It's not a fairy tale, it isn't as fictional as we'd like to believe. The world Weiner and Co have produced is continuous with the one we live in, even if it's not contemporary.

I think it would be awesome if Don turned out to be a notorious hijacker who was never caught, indeed, who never really existed. However, I think the beauty of the series (while heartbreaking) is that nothing like that will ever happen to these characters.

The real question is, will we be satisfied with what does happen to them?

Martini Monday!

We've started a fun little tradition with our friends Nelson and Christina in which we gather on Monday nights to drink martinis and chow down on whatever I decide to make. Nelson aptly named this "Martini Monday", so that's what we all call it.

Just to catch you up on the awesome that happens on these weeknight extravaganzas, here are some photos.

This is the southwest cheeseball I made the very first week, in the shape of an apple. (Because food always tastes better in the shape of other food!)

Our sukiyaki setup in the lovely Beverly residence.

Sada, concentrating VERY HARD on sukiyaki. 

The Wreath 'o Meat. 

Nelson, our resident martini-maker.

Pork tacos with slaw and pineapple.

One of those awesome group pictures that is so magnificently unflattering.

A picture I took after too many martinis.

I really enjoy the arrangement of us bringing the food and them providing the booze, and I try to make something different every week. I'll have to post the instructions for White People Sukiyaki and I've been wanting to explain my taco theorem for quite some time, so keep any eye out for that nonsense!

But mostly just be jealous, because seriously. Martini Monday is the best way to do Monday.

The Perfect Scrambled Egg Sandwich, or How My Mom Never Makes Breakfast

My mom has never been a breakfasty girl, thus she almost never made me breakfast growing up. As a result, I usually avoid the barrage of eggs and bacon that most people go nuts over first thing in the morning for something less trite, like leftover pizza or a sandwich. In fact, I have something of a distaste for breakfast in general. It's like a huge carb and meat fest, and produce hardly ever makes up a substantial portion of the meal.

I dropped Celina off this morning and immediately got that morning hunger pang, so I started thinking about what was in my fridge other than leftovers. I knew there were eggs because Celina loves to make scrambled eggs for herself at any time of day, so I keep them around. Recently, she's been making me wonder if maybe I just never gave breakfast food enough of a chance. I tried to think of the ways I HAVE liked eggs for breakfast in the past. There was always dad's greasy, unholy fried-egg-topped-with-bleu-cheese-crumbles-with-side-of-pan-fried-toast-and-pear-slices-for-the-appearance-of-health extravaganzas, but those are best prepared by someone else, when I'm far away from the kitchen and unable to see just how much butter went into it.

Then it hit me. My fondest, and probably first, memory of liking eggs were the luscious, buttery, crispy scrambled egg sandwiches my mom used to make me when I was a little kid. She did make me breakfast! SHE DID, SHE DID!

So I set out to make a scrambled egg sandwich, Sumalee-style. I started the bacon first, in the microwave, because I only have one working burner for some reason. Then I whipped up some eggs with almond milk, garlic salt from my grinder, and pepper, and threw those in a buttery pan. I took a page out of the Tony Soprano/Jay Pizza book and dotted the egg mixture with some additional dairy (but I used greek yogurt instead of sour cream or cream cheese…you know, health), then set the cooked eggs aside. I spread (real) mayo on a piece of "butter bread" (even though I don't know what the hell that means), spread more butter in the pan and threw the slice on top of it. Shredded cheese went on next, then the eggs and four slices of crispy ass bacon, topped with the other slice of bread. I let it get brown and cripsy, then flipped it with my fingers. (Imma have to make a tutorial on my spatula-free fried sandwiches.)

And you know what? It was a damn fine breakfast sandwich. I even had a little orange juice in the fridge to complete the stereotypical breakfast picture. I should, however, note that I'm fairly certain I'm lactose intolerant, which makes the cheese, the greek yogurt, and all of the butter a pretty poor choice, but you will not catch me being concerned over this.

Moral of the story: if your mother never made you breakfast, the one breakfast she made was probably pretty good.  

Elizabeth Taylor Inspired Pin Curl Set

So, I recently decided donate my hair because 1) that's just a nice thing to do, 2) I live in Florida and it's freaking hot and 3) most vintage hairstyles (of which I am a major fan) work best on hair that is a bit longer than shoulder length or shorter. I thought getting 8" chopped off might freak me out, but I am really loving it!

I figured this would be a good opportunity to experiment with different styles and eras as it grows until I find the length I like best. I've been trying to perfect a 1950s Elizabeth Taylor look for the past week or so, and I got pretty close today, so I thought I'd share. I'm including some notes about method in case anyone is tyring to recreate this look themselves. (And advance apologies for the shitty webcam pictures. I just recently discovered this only slightly less shitty alternative to cell phone selfies. I missed that lesson in finishing school.)

The Cut Itself

This is what my haircut looks like just blown out. It's basically a long(ish) bob, with short layers cut throughout, and short(ish) side bangs. My hair is wavy, and holds both curls and straightened-ness equally well. I've been sporting it blowdried with the ends curled under and lots of volume on top, a la Megan Draper.

The Set

I pin curled the whole head, using a combo of flat curls and standing curls. I did this with dry hair, only wetting each section slightly with my fingers dipped in water, mostly the ends. I sectioned off the top, and worked the sides first. (Not sure why, but it seemed right at the time.) Everything is symmetrical. I did two small rows of flat curls at the temples, then at the "corners" of my skull  (the pointy part on either side? Am I the only one with this?), I did a fattish standing curl. Then I did a row of standing curls down the center of my head for lift, with the bangs rolled forward and all the others rolled back. The rest of the head I kinda did whatever felt right, mostly small flat curls since the hair gets pretty short near the nape of my neck. I tied it up in a bandana and wore it this way half the day, then slept in it and unleashed it in the morning.

The Brush-Out

When I let the curls down, I just ran my fingers through them and formed it with my hands. Talk about bouncy. I felt a little ridiculous, but got it to a point where I thought it was acceptable and ran some errands. This picture is after a few hours, when the curl had settled somewhat. After taking that, I decided to tease the shit out of it, which I did, starting behind the bang section and lightly hairspraying each layer. I smoothed it all over with a bristle brush, including the curls, which then formed nice little Liz-Taylor-type shapes.

Lessons Learned
-The pin curl pattern worked out great and was reasonably easy.
-Sleeping on pin curl clips isn't that bad.
-Don't fear the brush out! It works wonders!
-Teasing is almost always the answer.

Final Product

Bonus! Me doing my very best "serious actress Liz Taylor" impression!

...just kidding. That's just my bitchface.

Vintage Shopping: Paris Market

I love vintage clothes, but I've been pretty disappointed in my vintage shopping experiences in Florida. Everything is either a horrible fit, way overpriced, or that certain brand of vintage hideousness that no one wants, no matter how cheap it is.

So I was super happy when I discovered Paris Market in the upstairs of Adjectives Vintage Market on 436. They have a a really great selection in great condition. I was looking around for an Easter Dress (which I didn't find), but I got to try on a bevy of awesome dresses.

From the Betty Draper Maternity Line.

This one looked so cute on the hanger. Perfect colors for Easter, but horribly unflattering.

I almost got this one, but I decided I'd rather make one in teal.

I really loved the fit and cut of this one. It reminded me of Peggy's work dresses. I'd like to make several in different colors so I can just throw one on and accessorize. 

I'm super drawn to anything with fringe. This reminds me of Betty's Italy dress.

 Ditto.

 I felt ridiculous putting this on, but YAYFLUFFYPRINCESS.

This one I really love, but I have no immediate use for it. But, when I do need a gown, I'll use this as my jumping off point.

Anyway, even though I didn't purchase anything, it's good to know there's a cool spot in Orlando to slip away and play dress up for an afternoon. I got tons of inspiration to make some new dresses for myself, but if you'd rather buy something than make it, definitely check out Paris Market!

The Lovely Trudy Campbell

For the first few seasons of Mad Men, I really pined for a brunette character with great style to stick around on the show long enough to emulate. Rachel and Midge came and went, and while Peggy is a complete badass, her fashion sense didn't kick in until around the third season, and she still makes some occasional missteps.


It wasn't until season four, when Peggy and super arrogant (but really good looking) freelancer Joey learn that Trudy Campbell is having a baby that I realized...the elusive brunette style icon I've been looking for was there all the time!

As Joey says, "I would get her so pregnant."

I'll be honest. Trudy Campbell was probably my least favorite female character on Mad Men through my first and second viewings. (And she was only eclipsed as least favorite character overall by her ridiculous child of a husband, Pete.) I found her social climbing ambition a little overwhelming and her constant whining about not being knocked up annoying as hell. BUT in all reality, she is awesome. Intelligent, glamorous, quick thinking, immaculate, level headed, loyal, and goddamn it, she wears the greatest hats. (And Allison Brie is really. Really. Beautiful.)

So even though we now have Megan, who is amazingly stylish, you know you can always look to Mad Men's original brunette style maven for inspiration. Even if she does have extremely questionable taste in lingerie.

And if you haven't seen it already, check out Texts From Trudy Campbell. (It's hilarious, I promise.)

My Food Philosophy

My approach to food is simple. The basic idea is that food should:

1. Taste good
I don't think this needs to be explained. Bonus if it also looks pretty.

We make pizza every Tuesday night, and I view it as an opportunity to try wild ingredient combos, because let's face it...it's all going to taste great in melty cheese on crispy dough. But why go the plain sauce and cheese route when you can pile on everything awesome?



2. Be nutritious
I'm not the type to scrutinize labels or do any sort of calculations before I eat (math is not my strong suit). Thus, I think eating foods that don't have labels is the way to go. I'd rather spend 45 minutes making my own granola bars than comparing calories of three different brands.

Salad is one of my favorite "kitchen sink" meals. (I'm also really lucky that I'm with Clark, who LOVES vegetables and salad as much as I do.) This one has all of the ingredients we consider mandatory in our house: leafy greens, salty sunflower seeds, and the ultimate salad topper, craisins. But the addition of goat cheese, strawberries, grapes, and a homemade mustard vinaigrette (and maybe some crusty bread) makes it into a meal.



3. Be fun to make
I don't do recipes. You could even say I am anti-recipe. I also don't measure unless it's completely necessary for the success of the meal (again, math is horrible). Cooking is a creative process for me, and I have a lot of fun planning out meals in my brain and working them out in the kitchen, almost like a puzzle. I feel like anyone who understands the basic tenets of cooking should be able to buy ingredients and execute a delicious meal as long as you don't get too skippy. (Admittedly, this is often my downfall.)

Thai cooking is a perfect example. There are principles and flavors that you have to incorporate to make it "Thai", but every grandmother is going to throw that curry together the way she wants to. I cook my curry by Braille. Depending on the audience, I'll use different veggies, a different proportion of coconut milk to paste, or serve it over crispy fish instead of adding shrimp or chicken. It means I do what feels right, not what a recipe tells me is right.

Jesus, I feel like I'm recruiting for a cult. How do you cook? Do you follow "the Way" or are you a stickler for recipes? Look for more posts on pretty food and Anti-Recipes...I'll convert you all yet!

Things You Should Know Before You Get Blunt Bangs

Let me tell you something about blunt bangs.

Blunt bangs are the world's oldest bangs. They're straightforward and honest. The first woman who decided to spruce up her 'do, whoever she may have been, gave herself some blunt bangs. I promise.

This means several things:

1) They've stuck around for a reason. They are super versatile, and anyone who says otherwise is full of crap. You can wear them straightened, curly, bouncy, short, long, piecey, swept to the side, pinned back, teased up...plus, they add flavor and form to up-dos and ponytails, which is great if you, like me, just wanna tie your hair back sometimes in a messy bun but hate a big bare forehead. You could say that they are a little more high-maintenance than not having bangs, but in my experience, the ratio of looking awesome to effort is considerably better.

2) They are simple to cut. Of course, you can get a stylist to do it for you, or you could spend an hour watching some Youtube videos and get some instant gratification. (But only if you're sober.) The nicest thing is that once you cut them yourself, you can maintain them yourself.

3) I also have to say that people always told me that growing out blunt bangs is a really irritating process, but I've found just the opposite. I loved when they just grazed my eyebrows, but I've found that they make all kinds of fun and interesting shapes as they grow.

4) Also, if you're looking to replicate Joan Holloway bangs, this is the best way. Although her look has changed from season to season ever so slightly, through a thorough examination of her bangs, I've determined that they are long blunt bangs, just styled differently. I realize that not everyone's life revolves around Mad Men, but I know that I searched for the best way to achieve a Joan style bouffant on a regular basis, and this is the best way, no matter what length hair you have.

5) Side-swept bangs are trivial in comparison. In a competition of side-swept vs. blunt, side-swepts are  extremely limited, trickier to maintain, and frankly, look a little 2007.

Obviously, I'm not recommending blunt bangs to you personally, because I don't know what your hair texture is or how much time you're willing to spend getting used to styling them or how handy you are with scissors. I do know that blunt bangs were a really great decision for me, and I fully support the decision to try something new.

But if it ends disastrously, don't look at me.

Moving, Oh My!

Don't you hate it when people people apologize about not posting on their blog? Me too. It's pretty pretentious and self important.

And since I am both of these things,
I'MSOSORRYIHAVEN'TBEENBLOGGINGGUYSIKNOWYOUMISSEDMESOMUCHorsomething.

Anyway, I'm a little disappointed that I've been off my own Project Wagon for 12 weeks! Fortunately for me, I have a shit ton of household-y projects coming up because we are finally moving!

Our new house is a super cute 1930s bungalow in the Sanford Historical District. However, it has some areas that are in need of a little help.

Priority #1: De-Mustarding the Living Room

I'm not sure what the last people were going for, but they ended up with Colonel Mustard with the Grey Poupon in the Living Room.

So obviously we will be painting.
And obviously we've chosen to go with teal.
Trim? Dark teal. Obviously.

Priority #2: Creating a Comfy Paradise Upstairs

The upstairs consists of a big open room with low ceilings, a half-concealed bathroom, and a tiny bedroom. Clearly, this is the most practical place to hide all of my habitually messy activities, like sewing. It's also the perfect place to chill out like a slob where the neighbors can't see.

I'll leave the details for the project post, but in the (text) words of my darling brother: "It will require custom made sheets, wall hooks, something physically interchangeable with a microphone stand, and maybe some string lights."

Priority #3: Making Our Furniture Fit to Sit On

We found a kick-ass source for antique furniture and other odds and ends VERY near our old place, so we'll be resuscitating some new pieces, including a Duncan Phyfe loveseat (could be original!), a very unloved wingback chair and a second non-antique wingback chair that we found free at the dumpster!

Determining a fabric scheme for the upholstery has been a nightmare, but I'll follow up on that sojourn in another post. (#firstworldproblems #hausfraustruggles)

The place is called Groove Shack Antiques, if you're interested.

This is the short list of big projects, but there are many many more small projects, some of which are just being transferred to the new house, including new living room curtains, trash recycling system, new command center, refinishing the coffee table, and of course, all of my clothing projects I'm itching to start.

Stay tuned!

Banging!

The other day, I decided that my hair needed a change. I've been sporting the Kate Middleton for too long. Sure, it's versatile, attractive, flattering, classic, blah, blah, blah, which have all become synonyms for boring in my mind. (And you'll have to excuse my horrible mirror picture skills. I didn't get a lot of practice in high school, since mirror pictures are literally the worst thing. The WORST.)

I've always been pretty sensitive about cutting my hair, mostly because my mom traumatized me at the age of 3 by giving me a bob. After years of growing it out and donating it repeatedly, I tried the short hair route in high school, and realized that I would be reasonably successful if ever I needed to temporarily hide my identity by say, disguising myself as a man.

But I've been in kind of a "throw caution to the wind" mood in the past few weeks (I bought a stick shift without re-learning to drive one first. Enough said.). So, armed with shears, I decided to give myself some bangs.

Having my hair cut with just long layers is great for 1940s styles, but since I usually rock a 1960s look day to day, it wasn't practical. I chose to go for a Joan Holloway straight-ish fringe that could be worn blunt or brushed to the side. I did the twist and cut method, which you can witness in this video. (Also, the instructor has an entertaining tan. Enjoy.)

They turned out pretty great! Not bad for a home haircut, anyway. Surprisingly, they are thus far much easier to deal with than having no bangs and trying to find a place to tuck my ends in my bouffant. Obviously they require a little maintenance to look "polished", but I think the effect is well worth it. Just as I wanted, they can be worn straight and pushed to the side, and both looks are more fun/dramatic than before.The bouffant is MUCH simpler to deal with and looks more...vintage?

And behold the $7.68 Target sweater I bought yesterday!

Anyway, I'm pretty pleased with myself, having successfully learned to cut my hair and Clark's, thus saving us untold millions of dollars and public tears spent in salons. Or something.

Does anyone else cut their own hair? Or am I the only crazy who needs that instant gratification?

If you're thinking about donning some blunt bangs yourself, you should read my post on Things You Should Know Before You Get Blunt Bangs.

Rubber Gloves, Or How I Found My Inner Prissy Bitch

I have always hated how disgusting sponges make my hands feel. In fact, after a while my hands start to imitate the sponge, in all of its smelly, waterlogged glory.

But just recently, I learned the secret to functional dishwashing without subjecting my hands to the torture of gag-inducing sponge slime (yes, I hate it that much.): rubber gloves! Not exactly a new idea, but I've never taken them seriously. Only prissy bitches invest in such things, right?

Correct. For my groundbreaking inspiration came from the queen of prissy-bitches-I-love-to-hate, Betty Draper. While normally I would never model my life on Betts', this time I'm giving her serious props for vanity. I slip on my rubber gloves and washing dishes becomes less of a chore. I slip them off and my hands are soft, dry, and slime free, just the way I like it.










The household tips I'll keep, Betty. The poor parenting and passive aggressive bitchery? That's all you, girl.